Some of you may have read my blog before and know that the Monster is in the process of being diagnosed with, well, I suppose we don’t know what yet though the latest thinking is some sort of Autistic Spectrum Disorder. I’ve written up about 2/3 of our journey (part 1 and part 2) through this process but haven’t had the chance to complete it yet (but I will). However to skip you forward a chapter or two, last week he spent 3 mornings as part of an ASD assessment group. Today we get the feedback.
I’m so nervous! I feel like I’m about to sit an exam or make a phone call. I don’t know why my skin feels all tingly (and not in a good way) but I think it’s that today feels huge. We’ve been working towards finding the best fit diagnosis for him for fifteen months and, to be honest, this is probably going to end up being just one more step along the way, but so many hopes and expectations have come to lie with this meeting that there’s now this enormous pressure. We have kept ourselves going for fifteen months for this day and now that it’s finally here I feel like I’m going to end up being dissatisfied.
I don’t think we know what we want them to tell us, which doesn’t help. We’ve had so many people give their opinion on our son – sometimes the same people have given polar opposite opinions – that we no longer know what we think. All we know is that the consensus is that there’s something about him, just no one knows what. The best outcome is obviously that our son has no issues whatsoever, but as that doesn’t appear to be the case, I want them to get to the bottom of this, accurately and quickly.
I think that the worst outcome today is that the whole process just stops. That sounds like I’m desperate for a label for him but it’s not that – I just want understanding for him. However, we all have a label, whether it’s the Fat Woman, the Funny Boy, the Clever Man, the Monster’s Mummy (Slummy or otherwise) – and with the Monster starting school in August what I don’t want for him is the label, “the Bad Boy.”
I suppose what I really want is for today to open a fair, supportive dialogue with the school about his transitions. Then today would be a good day. Fingers crossed that’s what we get.